Horn NOT OK Please!

There is so much nonsense on social media these days that I almost felt like an idiot keying in these thoughts.

But then I recalled this line I once saw on a T-shirt — and it made me smile and go ahead with this post. It read: “I may be an idiot but I’m not stupid.”

As you can possibly appreciate, it takes a little knowledge of English, some intelligence and a sense of humor to “get” the true import of those funny, satirical words.

While social media is full of English, especially of bombastic, jingoistic and highfalutin type, the other two departments seem to be lacking in the upper storeys of most.

Take the current fulminations about politics and politicians.

I can see a lot of angry young-and-old men-and-women write black-and-white, this-that, either-or posts.

“Oh, so you are a Congress libtard, that’s why you say so!”

“But Modi bhakts would not understand.”

“Kejriwal is the only honest politician left, but nobody allows him to work.” 

I squirm uncomfortably, sometimes clenching my teeth and often scratching or shaking my head, even as the lies, damn lies and statistics lie all around me that no Swachh Bharat or broom can sweep clean.

The worst part of this cacophony going on in social is that the gazillions of Indians who WILL VOTE (and decide the fate of candidates equal to or worse than them) can neither read what has been written nor care. (Sad, for they wouldn’t read this either, but hey, this one is for YOU.) They will go by the advice or diktats of their local leaders, bahubalis (disgusting use of a word to mean goondas), mullas, monks, pandits, padris —or whoever holds influence in their respective biradaris!

Meanwhile, in the television studios of the country, pictures of three, four, five, six, seven and sometimes even eight or more “talking heads” will keep popping up on your screen. It will be a continuous, abominable scream. Cheekha-chilli, with every political party rep brazening it out like a Sheikh Chilli.

And the crux of their argument? “We are not as bad as the folks from other parties are. Remember what they did when…” (Even if many of them have changed parties several times.)

I want to tell these guys: All of you are the worst. Unfortunately, you are all we got.

The best minds of the country have either been brain-drained to better economies or prefer to do good without jumping into politics or just watch this circus quietly from the sidelines.

Whoever comes to power is likely to grab it with both hands and restart the loot engine chugging and thugging along in this godforsaken country for decades and decades on end. (Also read: "India and the Morality of Corruption")

Looking at the politicians’ past record, I can guarantee you that long after the current elections are over:

- Cows will continue to roam the streets, eat plastic and roko rasta (rather than go to Rome and eat pasta — just for rhyme’s sake, for reason has long been butchered).

- There will be more hoardings about cleanliness everywhere but the shit and piss and dust and stink will continue to smother India right under our pinched noses (look at most public urinals in Delhi and Mumbai, for instance).

- The bewildered, brash, helpless, uneducated, TikTok-watching youth of this country will have no idea where to look for jobs — or how to do them properly if they happen to get them. (Skill India? Shut the F*ck up, go look at how many masters and doctors still apply for and agitate for peon-type jobs, not to mention the “unemployability” of our engineers.)

- States and the “strange caste of people” inhabiting them will continue to fight for backwardness and reservations.

- Farmers will continue to hang themselves under debt and distress — and politicos will continue to shed crocodile tears, insulting the reptiles in the process.

- Education will continue to be mistaken for school buildings and health, for insurance policies.

- Black money will continue non-demolished (and non-demonetized) like illegal structures and the so-called legal high-rises.

- Women will continue to be worshipped — and mocked and raped.

- Cases will continue to pile up in courts and criminals will continue to get the benefit of doubts (and power touts).


So, don’t be stupid. Remember this popular line of Hindi TV anchors: “Iss hamaam mein sabhi nangey hain.” (Everyone is naked in this bath-house.)

It’s another matter that viewers have also noticed that it is these same anchors who put more soap into the slippery hands of those shameless bathers, causing more froth and bubble to emerge.

Will this bubble ever burst?

I think I’m being rationally non-exuberant.

NOTA-chance.

“Khatam” (The End)