Elec-shun? Please Don’t!

Now that a lot more people in the intelligentsia and youth communities (isn’t it fascinating that the two are years apart?) know that they must vote – courtesy kyunki agar aap vote nahi kar rahe ho to aap so rahe ho (if you don’t vote, you are sleeping) and sundry other campaigns initiated by corporates and media alike – I don’t need to repeat the same spiel.

So, what have I got to say? I want to talk about the dilemma that most voters in India, especially the youth, face. Should it be the party or the particular candidate in their constituency that we should vote for? Even if our chosen candidate comes to power, his actions are likely to be dictated by the party he belongs to (and we may not like the party per se), so there’ll be little good he’ll be able to do on his own. And if we vote for a party, the person from our constituency may turn out to be a shlook (I don’t know if that’s a word, but you get the idea). In any case, there are more chances of a coalition government or a hung parliament, so all the policies of a party that look good on their manifesto may not materialize in reality.

Unfortunately, most of the people who have clean records, a cleaner conscience and are youthful and intelligent as well never ‘run’ for elections – they’d rather run away from it. So we end up wracking our brains about choosing the lesser of several evils.

I wish it were possible for the people of India to vote in a ballot asking them whom they want to elect for certain roles (prime ministership, key ministries, national security adviser, etc.)…

So, What If We ARE Slumdogs?

Why should I write about Slumdog now, when the whole world has already known about it, debated the movie, sang songs of victory for India and the cast, and what not?

Because there are some things I felt strongly about and must get out of my mind.

No doubt the movie is an excellent cinematic achievement – with superb direction, great acting, amazing sound and other aspects of movie-making.

But…

For one, I strongly believe that Rahman should have got an Oscar long back and am glad that he got it for Slumdog. But it grates a little somewhere in my mind to know that Jai Ho is by no measure Rahman’s best composition. So the question: isn’t it like doing the right thing for the wrong reason (song)? Rahman has given much, much better music for so many films, including (in no particular order) Gentleman, Roja, Bombay, Lagaan, Swades, Taal, Saathiya…all in all, a long list with many, many Oscar worthies than Jai Ho. Okay, Jai Ho is good, very good in fact. But not that good. Not Oscar good.

As for the raging debate about how India has been ‘projected’ in the movie, I’ll say, Why create so much fuss about India’s image just on the basis of a movie? India’s image is not something that’s anyone’s fiefdom. Nor can it be ‘damaged’ by showing realistic scenes – however ‘shitful’ they might be – on the silver screen.

Let’s get it straight: Danny Boyle and team have done a commendable job in showing many of the ills plaguing ‘third-world’ India through an amazing (even if pretty contrived) narrative.

But, again…

Neither is Danny Boyle the first one to be enchanted by the crazy place that India is, nor will he be the last one. But multiple awards and the West’s growing interest in India (because of our vast, increasingly consumerist population that can keep their companies growing, and not out of any fatherly love – make no mishtake!) have meant that the contradictions and agonies depicted in the movie will be discussed for a long time.

So? So, how should a typical Indian feel about the whole thing, you know? To become a part of the ‘it’ crowd – which goes to multiplexes munching mountains of popcorn and guzzling gallons of carbonated sugar drinks.

Well, well, well…my suggestion is, dear, why do you want to be a part of this crowd in the first place?

If the movie has really shaken you up by showing a mirror to the kind of place you live in, why don’t you do something about it? From refusing to pay bribes to demanding your rights (from the political mafia) to helping out street and slum children, I’m sure you’ll find a whole lot of ideas. Why leave everything to the NGOs?

Boyle has done his job as a film-maker and gotten acclaim. But what about you? What about me? What about us Indians?

Hollow Scope

Why does the world go bonkers over vacuous fortune telling?

I used to think that writing horoscopes is serious business, what with millions around the world spending so much time and money on a varied bunch of fortune tellers – palmists, numerologists, tarot readers, and other folks who use all sorts of animals from parrots to Pomeranians. But sometime back, when I read through what some of the so-called celebrity star-gazers had written in their popular columns, I realized how mistaken I was. To my horror-scope, I found that too much ink had been spilt praising the non-existent virtues of people and telling them how great they are and how the times are set to change for the better and how, just by wearing a certain color or betting on a particular lucky number, they can beat the holy sh*t out of any possible stumbling block to a great fortune that awaits them round the corner. Blah, blah, blah…

Now, if I were a self-preening narcissistic type I might’ve approved of all their goody-goody, schmaltzy stuff. So instead, I felt rather compelled to take you, dear reader, through some of the really over-the-top gems of prognostication that I found. I bet you might end up, like me, rolling on the floor with laughter or pulling your hair out trying to make sense of the whole shebang.

Sample this prophecy from a reputed site: “Your curiosity is running on high, and you just won’t stand for anything less than the entire truth, no matter what question you happen to ask. Your antennae will tell you whether it’s an honest answer.”

Well, my antennae tell me that the person who wrote this is really smart enough to know that the best thing to keep people from pointing fingers at your predictions is to write something entirely vague or utterly common sense. Now, tell me, how many people will admit that they’ll “stand for less than the entire truth”? And, won’t our keen observation (antennae) tell us if we are getting an honest answer or not?

Here’s another one from the Sunday edition of a paper: “You suffer a great deal because of others’ wrongdoing. Maybe it’s time you stopped others from taking you for granted. Just be more assertive and you’ll find all the happiness you deserve.”

Wow! Reading these lines, our bleary-eyed reader is sure to scream with self-pitying joy: “I told you so! See, it’s all their fault!” Merely reading this may not turn our meek fella into a bold brat, but it sure will make the person feel quite worthy of all the happiness in the world he or she ain’t going to get anyway.

Wait, there’s more stuff coming up. This one was buried inside an old stack of newspapers but fortunately caught my eye when I was looking for something else (isn’t that how you find anything in the first place these days?).

Here it goes: “Your stars are shining bright and mighty. Just the perfect time to make that critical move you have been waiting for all your life. Lucky numbers 1, 3 and 7; favorable colors Blue and Orange.”

Oh, really? You mean, if I wear a blue shirt to office today, I can tell my boss to take a walk? Or if I pick a lottery ticket with these three digits in it, I’ll become an instant millionaire? Aw, com’on, you must be kidding me.

Never mind what I feel, there are millions out there who lap up the fortune tellers’ words with inexplicable zeal and sincerity.

All right, there be might be some – maybe one in a thousand – fortune tellers whose predictions aren’t as ridiculous or vague or inaccurate. But at least I haven’t found them--yet.

Why such mumbo jumbo continues to get so much attention often baffles me – and I can only hazard a guess. Maybe it’s simply because people like hearing nice things about themselves. Or maybe they are already so weary and burdened with their unspectacular lives that they’ll latch onto anything that keeps their hopes of a radical positive change alive.

How many people would still read their horoscopes if the lines they read did not go down well with them or did not portray them as superb human beings? For instance, would they continue their patronage of the forecast column if it says: “You have a really crappy day ahead today?” Or if it proclaims: “Whatever you do, you are going to get laid off from this thankless job of yours – so just stick on to it while you can, you schmuck.”?

Fat chance they would!

So the fortune farce keeps going.

And the world keeps getting sucked into the slush that a daily dose of divination delivers.

Bombay Burns...Again

So we had another terror attack - perhaps the maddest one this time, with terrorists going berserk in the city's landmark hotels (Taj and Oberoi) plus several other places in southern Mumbai.

How many terror attacks will it take for our wily politicians to do something about the security of innocent civilians?

As I watched the stupefied media coverage on TV (with anchors and reporters blabbering on and on without giving much information, filling airtime with nonsensical commentary), I realized that in a day or two everything will be back to "normal" - with normal people and normal politicians and normal media going back to their normal routines.

I don't have a .32 like Mr Bachchan (and don't support a US-style gun culture), but I must say that technology-driven surveillance and a trained police force are essential to avoid repeated terror attacks in India. I'm afraid people will start taking things with a pinch of salt like they do in the Middle East.

One of our biggest problems (besides scheming and self-serving politicos): rampant corruption amongst policemen across ranks. (Most of us are also guilty by taking the easy way out of a situation in our daily lives through greasing their palms.)

I acknowledge and honor the courage and honesty of those who laid down their lives in saving people. At the same time, I (and every other Indian citizen) must question the manner in which the attacks in Mumbai were carried out. Either we were extremely stupid or extremely corrupt - or a bit of both.

Terror's ugly face is irrevocably masked with the filth of corruption.

Don’t Mix Religion and Terror?

I was watching a free-for-all kind of debate on the Times Now channel about keeping religion and terrorism separate and about the aspects of getting political mileage out of the recent arrests in connection with Malegon blasts of September 29.

It was not so thought provoking as it was funny, though there were some flashes of seriousness.

As one might predict, the political spokespersons threw logic out of the window in favor of their affiliations with their respective parties. They took devious and convoluted stances, harking back to Gandhi’s murder and other historical figures – interpreting everything in a way so as to benefit the so-called ideology of their own clique.

In the commotion resulting from many people speaking at the same time, there were no strong opinions to be noted or taken away.

The point I wish to make is that politicians – irrespective of which party they belong to – live with the compulsion to be seen by their co-workers and higher ups as milking the maximum benefit out of every situation. Even if it’s at the cost of making fools of themselves as blabbering monkeys in front the camera.

I also wonder at the repeated failure of our politicians (and often news anchors) to debate about some controversial topic with a reasoned and seasoned voice and keeping things in the studio decent, logical and civilized (nobody seems to care about the viewers). Instead of hearing a voice that should come out of the mouth of a civilized, educated person discussing and debating something on facts and merits of the case, we get one brazenly and illogically blurting out as many words as the anchor would permit before he or she moves on to the next politico.

Now, regarding the issue at the core: most people, especially intelligentsia and the liberals, seem to contend that religion must be kept separate from terrorism.

I want to ask them: In the real world, is there no connection between religion and terrorism? (Even when many blasts have taken place as a matter of revenge against people following one religion by those practicing another?)

On a parallel note, Is business separate from politics? Is urbanization separate from the condition of villages? Is the process of putting dams across rivers separate from the issue of displacement and destitution? Is global warming separate from industrial progress?

Let’s deal with things as they are in the real world. Why fake it, guys?